[It was a relief to get a positive reply, at least.]
thank you for returning my message
[...But working out how to explain what was going on took a little longer.
Ngh. In the end, she decided to just be direct about the problem.]
nightmares about people ive lost who are close to me my fiance my brother
sometimes about the holy grail war from my world others about the trials celliwig inflicted on us jasons wretched smug face even shows itself from time to time
its happening more often than i want to admit and i cant sleep well
Ah - I see. I hate to be the bearer of what may be obvious news, but it sounds like these things are bothering you and in a constant state of being in the back of your mind.
These are important events? People? Things like that, no?
These sound like things you need to resolve outside of your dreams for the dreams to resolve themselves.
[She stared at the message for a little while- that was certainly a question, wasn't it?
...Was she disappointed in herself?]
i dont feel remorse i dont regret my crimes
[But that wasn't what he asked, was it? That was avoiding the question. And the more she thought on it, the more her mind tried to push the answer under the rug.]
thats i dont know
i didnt want
[...Medea let those sentence fragments hang in the void. Even she wasn't sure what the finished ones would look like.]
I think you need to do what makes you happy first.
I think happiness creates peace. And that's not just because I'm known as a god of peaceful sleep. That's because I've found that people make the best choices when the goal isn't just survival, but goodness.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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thank you for returning my message
[...But working out how to explain what was going on took a little longer.
Ngh. In the end, she decided to just be direct about the problem.]
nightmares
about people ive lost who are close to me
my fiance
my brother
sometimes about the holy grail war from my world
others about the trials celliwig inflicted on us
jasons wretched smug face even shows itself from time to time
its happening more often than i want to admit and i cant sleep well
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These are important events? People? Things like that, no?
These sound like things you need to resolve outside of your dreams for the dreams to resolve themselves.
A mind at peace creates a peaceful dream.
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yes
important things and people and places
i dont know where to begin
i havent been a woman at peace for such a long time
[She only imagined he saw the fire she caused.]
i thought sleep was meant to ease those scars
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But - putting at ease isn't healing them, Medea.
Those memories will forever be there.
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i dont know how to heal
i never have
for me it has always been about unleashing my vengeance on those who wronged me regardless of what happens to me after its done
but i suppose theres no easy way of
dealing with the past
is there
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How do you want to heal? Do you want to just forget all about it? Or do you want to put the work into it and step forward?
[ It seems like an easy question, but it's not really. ]
Do you feel guilt?
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First, the easy part: ]
i don't feel remorse for the times ive enacted my vengeance no
or the dark magics i called upon in the war
it was necessary for someone like me
but
i do sometimes wonder what would have become of me if my fate were different
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If I were home, I could show you - in a dream - what it would be like.
But that's not really an option here.
Do you find you like the new and different life you imagine?
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i appreciate that
[It still meant something to her, that a God was telling her she shouldn't feel bad for her choices.]
a dream hm
i think
i find i cant recognise the me in those visions anymore
so thats a little hard to say
part of me wants to warn her what will become of her
part of me wants to curse her ignorance
i dont know
i think about the life i could have lead had i won the holy grail war too
but that
that hurts a little too much now
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And yet you can't do a thing about it.
But you seem to have made the best of who you are now.
Are you disappointed in who you are now?
Not the past you - is the current you disappointed?
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...Was she disappointed in herself?]
i dont feel remorse
i dont regret my crimes
[But that wasn't what he asked, was it? That was avoiding the question. And the more she thought on it, the more her mind tried to push the answer under the rug.]
thats
i dont know
i didnt want
[...Medea let those sentence fragments hang in the void. Even she wasn't sure what the finished ones would look like.]
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but ive kept myself alive
i have family
allies
friends
i dont know if that is something i deserve
but i wonder if my dreams would still trouble me that way if i didnt have regrets
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trying to hold on to what happiness ive been able to find
fighting manipulation bloodshed
it feels as if thats all my life has been for a long time now
what do you think i should do
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I think happiness creates peace. And that's not just because I'm known as a god of peaceful sleep. That's because I've found that people make the best choices when the goal isn't just survival, but goodness.
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before everything
i was trying to do better here
to be better
i owed it to a friend of mine i met not long after i arrived
ill
try to keep trying
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